Close Your Fucking Laptop
by Ben Orenstein
Dear conference attendees everywhere,
If you’ve decided to attend a conference talk, here’s a piece of etiquette that seems to have been left out of programmer finishing school: when the speaker approaches the podium, you have an important job: close your fucking laptop and listen.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen people writing code during a talk. Writing code! You are not a badass multi-tasking motherfucker. You are a rude, not-paying-attention, asshole. You are disrespecting the speaker’s effort and distracting those around you. If you’re just looking for a place to get work done, go sit outside, or even in your hotel room.
The exception to this rule is when you find yourself stuck in terrible talks. I always, always close my laptop when a speaker begins. I give them my full attention and hope to be entertained and informed. Unfortunately, most speakers quickly reveal that they are not prepared to do either. Their talk is obviously underprepared or presented without energy and passion.
In these cases, I unabashedly open my laptop and turn my attention to something more useful. An underprepared speaker disrespects his audience, and looking out on a sea of glowing white apples is his just reward.
UPDATE: The wiser voices of commenters below have swayed me. Being rude in response to rudeness is still wrong. In the future, I’ll vote with my feet and simply leave bad talks.